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How much should we love ourselves?

February, the month we celebrate love. What a limitation: to only celebrate love in February.

Imagine how the world would be like if we celebrated Love every month and every day.

Since we are in February I decided to write about love especially because a very good friend of mine asked me to write about how we can find the balance between self-love and sharing ourselves with others. Her concern was that, as more and more people are becoming aware of the benefits of self-love and mindfulness, that the world might become one of self-absorption and selfish people.

This is a valid point and a real trend, also taking into consideration the evolution of the society in the last 50 years. Whereas 50 years ago people would still need a family or some sort of community to survive, nowadays due to the technological and industrial development, most of us are perfectly capable of living on our own and independently almost the whole life. This development has brought with it, not only an automatisation of life and a comfort never experienced before in the history of human kind, but has also provided us with access to personal development and to limitless information.

And seeing this evolution, my friend’s concern is well-founded.

The other day I watched the film ‘Amazona', a documentary that explores the boundaries between responsibility and freedom.

The true story of the documentary is a perfect example of what the consequences are when we lose the balance between the two: abandoned children with a lot of trauma and wounds to heal, addiction, fractured relationships and a wild soul who missed the train towards getting to know the complete Truth.

Just like in Pablo Coelho’s Alchemist, we often go around the world in the search of The Treasure, only to discover that it had been buried in the back yard this whole time.

What my life experience has taught me is that we are One, that the reality we experience around us is a reflection of our own inner world, of the whole inner world with both the conscious and unconscious parts. That is why I believe self-love and spending time with and for ourselves is essential for a healthy mind and body. I’m saying it is essential because it is during this time that we rejuvenate, we rest, we take off our mask and relinquish all roles we play in society and in relation to the others in our life. It is during this time that we can allow all these conditioned layers to fall off and genuinely get in touch with our true nature. It is during this time that we can listen to our heart’s song and hear our deepest desires and long forgotten dreams.

When we get into this place, what our heart tells us is that we should spend as much time there as we need, because this is the river of Life from which all creativity flows. If we don’t allow ourselves this time and space, what we do is continue to be contaminated by the others’ conditioning, negativity, life experiences, own story and limiting beliefs. But the more we spend time with ourselves, the more we will learn to listen and how to dance to the song of our heart, we will learn what makes us happy and how to create that, we will learn to identify the toxic elements of our life and how to clear them out.

From this point we will create our beautiful magnificent healthy life, in which we will attract people and events that will naturally flow into and out of our life in a perfect way. We will be centred and not ego driven, we will know that all manifestation belongs to us and won’t feel the need to fight for anything because we will take ownership for the perfect flow of life.

There wouldn’t be such a world as selfish or self-absorbed but rather a balanced world when we will feel happy and fulfilled and we would have no expectations of the outer world to fulfil us or make us happier. We will not live in isolation because once we are full, the natural flow of Life will push us out to give to others and inspire.

This fear of building a world of self-centredness and selfishness will disappear because once we give all the needed time and space to ourselves, we will know that when we give to others we will Give with capital G, in a very authentic and loving way, not because we were conditioned to do so; we will Give because it’s flowing out of us like a flood.

You might be thinking, ‘Yeah, all that sounds good and sweet, but how do you apply it in real life when we have so many responsibilities and relationships to maintain?’

To answer that, I’m sharing a practical step-by-step method that will help you find this balance in your life. Take a pen and paper and get ready for transformation:

1. Start by identifying your responsibilities for which your presence is non-negotiable (for example, if you have a child, what are the parent responsibilities you have on daily basis)

2. Assess how much time these take

3. Identify the situations and people that drain your resources

4. Give yourself the needed time to write in detail your ideal life including all areas of life: your free time and personal life, your growth, your profession, your love life, your belongings, your home and people around you, your family life, your health and physical wellbeing, your friends and social life, your leisure and favourite activities and your studies.

5. Having written that, plan your ideal month, week and day, and be specific about how much time you want to dedicate to each of them.

6. Write down and commit to 3 actions or habits that you will take in the next 2 weeks that will bring you closer to the perfect balance between self time and time with others.

While you might find this as a very elaborate and time consuming exercise, I can reassure you, that it is the only way to start your journey towards finding balance and to contribute to a happy loving world by becoming an authentic happy, fulfilled and loving individual.

I hope you found inspiration in my thoughts and I look forward to hear you.

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