*WARNING: This blog is only for those who are looking for authentic happiness, who want to grow and experience life at its highest level.
I have been told that my message towards the world, be it via my daily posts or through my blog, is mainly directed towards women. I have never intended it to be this way but upon retrospection I could see there might be something about it.
Having acknowledged that, I set myself to make things right.
I decided to write and dedicate this blog to men, but in reality the topic is valid for both men and women of all sexual orientations.
I started my new endeavor by asking my male friends what men would be interested to hear about, what kind of issues they struggle with. The answers were not very different from what I had expected. In my mind I have always thought we are all the same in front of life and that it is our attitude towards it, our beliefs and actions that determine what kind of life we create, independent of our gender.
What caught my attention though, was learning that often men speak about how much they struggle to find the One, to have the relationship they want, to create the intimate relationship they long for. I was astonished to hear from my male friends that men use similar sentences to the ones used by women to describe how they feel about their attempts in the field of relationships.
Men can search for different things when they are looking to connect with a woman: they might just want sex or to have an open relationship, and some will want to have a conscious relationship. As my intention and purpose in life is to raise my consciousness and help others to do so, today I decided to write about conscious relationships.
In a time when technology has made it possible for people to connect any time, anywhere, at almost no cost, what we suffer most from is disconnection. Disconnection from ourselves, from our hearts and who we really are and, therefore from the others. We speak and text/voice/video message a lot but how much do we really communicate? Many of us have lost the ability to communicate authentically at a natural level with somebody we are interested in. We are best at communicating in the safe environment behind the screen of our phones.
Let’s face it: relationships in the 21st century turned out to be quite a confusing and complicated issue. Not long ago marriage used to be a social necessity and an arrangement. With the emancipation of the woman in the 20th century, people started looking for something else in relationships. Climbing up the Maslow’s pyramid of needs, relationships also moved from simply fulfilling a survival and economical need to the expectation of it to fulfil a realisation need. We no longer need each other to survive and to procreate but we expect relationships to make us happy and complete; we expect and long to share our deepest selves with somebody who cherishes and loves us unconditionally. But because the historical imprint in our DNA wired both men and women to search for a match that can help with survival, we have very little experience in our genealogy about how to choose and create consciously a relationship.
As if there was not enough pressure on relationships, on top of that we have the romantic love which is a created concept, a concept of the Mind, and not of the Heart. Looking at the evolution of relationships and of how love has been perceived and lived, nowadays it seems that it is the romantic love that causes all the trouble. That is the Hollywoodian creation based on pure projections: man meets woman or the other way around and one or both of them feel a chemistry that the other might be able to fulfil all their long lived frustrated needs and they start projecting their expectations on the other. At the beginning they both give a lot because they feel generous due to the great gift that life gave them of meeting the other. Yet, slowly their initially well hidden canine expectations of receiving and of having the other be the way you would like them to be, start to show and, instead of giving, a lot of demanding, assuming and victimising starts happening. There is no place for conscious living and authentic love in the romantic love. When we Love consciously we allow and respect the other just the way they are, creating the space for them to grow and see their blind spots but not expecting them to change in any direction or fit into the ideal partner matrix you dreamt of. When we love consciously we stay centered on ourselves, knowing that the other is just a reflection of our inner world and we focus on giving not on receiving. And with this reality, it’s not surprising that men and women equally feel confused and disorientated in this field of life.
All that said, here are a couple of thoughts I would like to leave you with, dear Men.
First of all, give yourself a big tap on the shoulder for not settling and for continuing to search for the special One and wanting to create a deeply connected relationship. The fact that you won’t accept anything less is already taking you closer to what you want.
And secondly, ‘Know Thyself’, as Socrates simply said it. By this I mean, not only know yourself but also grow yourself and manifest yourself.
This is all the homework you have to do: sit with yourself and think about what kind of life you would like to have in all its aspects (health, career, hobbies, relationships, free time, finances); get as detailed as possible. From all the areas of life, which one is the most important to start working now on and draft a plan that will move you forward in these areas of life. Take immediate action. Become the man you’ve always wanted to be. Build the life you’ve always wanted to live.
Ask yourself why you want a relationship. Is it out of fear of not being alone or because you are not feeling happy and you think somebody else will make you happy? If that is the case then for sure you need to spend even more time with yourself. Go into your darkest corners and own all of Yourself, integrate and heal all your parts until you feel happy and complete on your own. In reality what a partner is, is only your best mirror. You will always attract the right person that perfectly reflects the state of your inner world: this person will only love you and respect you as much as you love and respect yourself; whatever annoys you in your partner is what you still haven’t accepted about yourself, and so on. While they are full of moments of joy, ecstasy, playfulness and bliss, the main purpose of relationships is not to make us happy. The purpose of relationships is Love: they allow us to experience the profoundness and vulnerability of loving and the amazing joy and comfort of being loved. But we can only experience that as long as we are connected to our Heart and we allow Love in. Relationships are an ongoing workshop for us to do our inner work, they will show us everything we did not want to see while we were single, so you might as well start to do the inner work so that when you meet the One, you reflect love, compassion, growth and you thrive.
And if you find that this is too much work: you are right but at the same time I don’t know anybody who got the results without doing the work. We always get out what we put in, so in the end it is all up to you.
I look forward to hearing your thoughts and if you still feel uncertain about how to move forward, book your free coaching session with me now so we can explore your fears, obstacles and limiting beliefs together and make a plan to take you to the next level.